I am no longer going to be me.

I am done trying.

I am done trying to be there for anyone and everyone.

I am done trying to have to tip toe around people’s feelings.

I am done trying to keep my feelings to myself and than be told not to do something.

I am an adult, you do not need to tell me what to do or how to feel.

I am done sugar coating everything just so everyone’s feelings are spared.

I am done putting myself out there and available as a shoulder to cry on, when I don’t get shown the same back.

I am done being kind.

I am done, being sweet.

I am done.

I am done showing any emotion to any one because no matter what emotion it is, I AM ALWAYS WRONG FOR IT.

I am done with people telling me ( in some form or another) that I am not worthy of anyone being in any type of relationship.

I am done being depressed.

I am done being sad.

I am done being mad.

I am done being me, because being me isn’t correct.

I am done.

So from now on, I will be the opposite, I will be mean.

I will be a bitch.

I won’t tell my feelings to anyone.

I will be cold hearted.

I won’t be open to anyone.

I won’t be there for anyone.

I will be like every other narcissistic piece of shit on this planet.

I will act like the world revolves around me.

I will be the opposite of who I am, seeing as no one likes that “me”.

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One of the Few Biggest Moments in My Life Part 1.

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You see stories of love every day,

But you never realize, you could be one of those stories

until in finally hits you.

Well, This is my story, Not just any story, a Love Story.

How I started talking to my future girlfriend(now fiance) Just last year.

We started talking in January, But I knew right than and there that I would be making her my wife.

It was January 10th and a cold evening, and was raining,

Just gotten out of a toxic relationship with my Ex Elisa,

I honestly thought I was done dating, when I sent this beautiful, outgoing, but quiet

woman, named Arissa a message and introduced myself.

we didn’t stop talking for hours until we had to go to bed.

We gave each other our number and talked to each other for about 5 minutes and said

out good nights and well wishes.

Later that I everything went a bit sour.

My ex Elisa called me and I told her I never wanted to talk to her and found someone

way better that her and that I didn’t want to deal with her bullshit.

After that I had a major panic attack and was taken to the hospital

and I called Arissa and told her what happened, I honestly thought

she would have been pushed away by the fact I had panic attacks,

But little did I know, that wasn’t the case, she had them to from time to time and

totally understood, she was mainly concerned in knowing if I was alright, and when our first date would be!

Haha (best girl ever!)

So our talking went for a while, and before you know it it was February 7th 2014.

Her Birthday, I was hanging out with friends that day and really wanted her to come with us

but she had plans and she said she had rather ditch her party and just hung out with us.

That didn’t happen…

Than the next day came around she had no idea what I had in mind, I had woken up to my phone ringing, and it was her

calling me to wake me up (:

I asked her if she wanted to Skype and she said “yes”

I told her I have a question to ask her and she asked “Well what is it cute face”

(her cousins had come in to talk to me too) I was too shy to ask over skype to I text her while

we were on skype and asked her “Arissa, will you be my girlfriend?”

She Replied, red faced and with a HUGE cheesy smile on her face….

“I was wondering why it took you so long to ask me! but duh of course!”

Swim

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For she see’s what could be, for the seas are heavenly.

For the feelings deep within, are vaguely keeping me.

Here I am yours but not in vain

you have my soul, my dear heart, my sailoress bold, hold me tight

don’t let me go.

Swim

Swim

Swim

Into our ocean born hearts we go.

My Year in a Whirlwind.

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My 2014 was amazing, scary, and exciting.

Did fun things, grew up some more, but mainly…

Met The Love Of My Life.

Met her on January 16th, 2014 and asked her to be my

girlfriend the day after her birthday on February 8th, 2014

Just like everyone else on the planet that happens

to be in a relationship, we had our up’s, down’s and back around’s

tears of sadness, tears of joy.

But never the less, never went to bed angry when we finally

moved in together (even if it took till 2 am to get over it)

I was never happy hiding who I truly was and that was as a closeted lesbian

my parents had an idea, and my friends knew but never told me they knew I was.

They loved me anyway and accepted me with open arms and loved my girlfriend too.

I’ve never felt so much love, affection and looked up to someone as much as I do

my now fiance. She is part of my world and part of everything I hold dear to my heart.

I can’t believe such an amazing, frustratingly, gorgeous, irritating, sweet, stubborn and gold hearted

person could possibly be in love with someone like me.

She’s helped me walk through the good the bad and the ugly.

I’ll forever be grateful for her.

I hope, no I plan to get married to her, have a family and grow old with her.

So far we have two fur-sons named Axel and Petey.

Axel is a Maine Coon and Petey is a Chihuahua.

We love them and plan to get more animals once we have a house of our own.

Anyway, enough of this sappy love stuff, thought I’d brag a bit about my 2014 (:

Have a great night (:

-AdriLorr

Bittersweet.

It’s kind of sad to think that I only have a few weeks, of my first semester in college, left. Then summer break comes around. I’m probably going to cry when it’s time to say good bye to the spring semester, and there have been many times during this semester that I’ve told myself I wanted to just quit.

I’m too old for that shit.

I’m kind of glad my ears won’t be talked off by this 98 year old lady who just never knows when to shut up and listen. I mean come on! Let the rest of us talk! I don’t mean to complain, but one day I was in the bathroom and I got out of the stall (I had my ear phones in listening to my music at full blast) she just starts yapping nonstop and she sees that I have my head phones in and I’m just trying to wash my hands!

When I go to the bathroom, I go in to have like 5-10 minutes of peace with out some random person trying to talk to me.

Yes, she is nice and all, and I love old people, but seriously, if I have my head phones in with my music on full blast…I obviously do not want to talk, let alone hear about your life or the many sexcapades you’ve had in your life.

So old lady who insists on talking about your personal life to random strangers…

Please stop sharing.
It’s a bit frightening.

-Miss AdriLorr